Blurred lines

Indecisive.

I wish where I'd wanna go for dinner was the only thing I am indecisive about. 

I want it to work. 

But. The stretched out time difference, schedule clashes, ridiculous lifestyle changes - it creates doubt. 

Then, you effortlessly make me laugh, listen to my dumbass drama, integrate me with your friends and yourself with mine, unexpectedly stepping up time after time to be with me. 

This feeling, you, the relationship. It's worth it, I tell myself. 

For a convincing while, I'm certain. 

Then, casually, just like every other day as you've known it, you light one up.

And suddenly, just like that, I'm not so sure anymore.

You light another. 

And here I am. Back to square one.

Do I fight for the relationship with you? Or stand up for the relationship I have with myself?