Wander On

What I came home to when I got back from Penang:

House undergoing renovation.

I literally breathe in dust everyday for 2 weeks now.

   

And! As a graduation present, my mum got me this

She knows me far too well TEEHEE!

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Besides that, I've been overly occupied with things I don't fancy being occupied with.

Like, 

I filled in as a substitute (I had to google up the spelling of that - never been sure whether it's substitute or subtitute, sigh, one of those lessons I'll never learn) teacher at my mum's school for two days.

Pshh, Jyen, it was only two days.

NO, don't you dare. It's like war out there.

It was horrible on the first day cause I filled in for a teacher that taught Standard One (7 year olds).

Where duuhhh helllll do they get all the energy from? What on earth are they fed in the morning?

I had such a hard time trying to control 40 of them kids. 

''Miss Wong, my leg itchy''

''Teacher, can I go toilet?'' x 2057

''Teacher, he push me'' x 192

''Miss Wong, my leg still itchy''

''Teacher, *insert names* spilled Nasi Lemak outside just now during recess''

''Miss Wong, you know, I have an auntie and her name also got Wong''

''Teacher, can I go wash my hand? It's kind of sticky cause I touched glue''

''Teacher, I take off my socks okay? It's very itchy''

And because it was my first day and I haven't handled Standard Ones before (I had Std 3 and 6 the last time I taught) and totally forgot I was in a local public school (think I got accustomed to Uplands and all the teachers being too nice) so I was super nice and addressed to all their little whines. Exhausting.

I had 7 classes on the first day.

Spent the first 3 going through some math.

Gave up at the end and played games for my last 4 classes that day.

I had ''The Hangover'' for one of our Hangman games under the category of Movies

Only realised how highly inappropriate that movie was. 

Also, realised how horribly horrible I am at spelling too, 

The following were considered but not included in the game of Hangman cause I forgot how to spell them - 

1. Hippopotamus

2. Pinocchio

3. Pirates of the Caribbean

My homework

Day 2 was much better, I got Std 3 and 6 classes. Phew !

Had games with them as well.

In the Std 6 class, I..

...told a kid he only had 3 minutes to run downstairs and refill his water bottle

They just had recess.

...seperated two kids from each other and forbid them from making any sort of noise for 15 minutes

They get to reunite if successful.

...(jokingly. kind of. not really.) threatened a kid that I'd make him eat paper.

He was supposed to do some math homework given another teacher(the one I was filling in for) but decided that making paper moustaches was a better idea.

...also (jokingly. kind of. not really.) threatened a kid to have his head in the rubbish bag. 

He kept talking about the rubbish bag for some reason..

..spotted this table

Goh Keng Yu. Had a huge crush on this guy when I was 9. Probably the only person I liked in primary school that wasn't my age.

Extreme nostalgia when I saw this. Just felt like the world stopped and all the memories and images I saw through the eyes of the 9 year old me suddenly just hit me. 

It's been so many years since and there I was, in the opposite end of the classroom, being the teacher.

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Everything is gonna change soon for me.

A lil too soon for the liking of my comfort.

I try staring out into my future, hoping to get a sneak peek, but I don't see anything that provide me with any sort of certainty.

But, I guess I'll find out soon enough.

I don't think there's any way of preparing for it, just gotta take it as it comes.

Till then, I wander on.

Add My Effort

So, I'm here lying down on my bed, thinking

"Aww shyt. I forgot to get back to my blog last night."

And you're thinking

"Uhh. But it doesn't matter. No one's keeping tabs"

And my blog's thinking

"You never keep your words! This is why we never worked out!"

And my dog's thinking

"I wonder if I'm the only colour blind one around here..? No hold on. How do I even know what colour is? How can I be blind to something I don't know exist? How can I. do I smell a rat?"

And a random biker just passing the road outside is thinking

"Yeah damn right. It's a brilliant idea to ride around here alone when my bike sounds like dying cows who are mating at the same time. This is some swag shit" 

And I'm back on track. 

So yesterday turned out semi productive. I cleaned my room and put away EVERY thing in drawers and shelves to prepare for the repainting of me room. So now my room is absolutely naked. 

Then I mopped the floor (daily routine now)

Woo. 

Then today!

I looked fr flights to New York. 

Helped sand paper a wall. These workers get paid for something but I was bored. 

Mopped and swept my room after they painted half of it. 

Then spent like 2-3 hours cleaning the shared toilet between my brother and I. 

Damn right, 2-3 hours in a toilet.

My brother has this amazing ability to make the toilet seem so abandoned and historical when he uses it everyday. I hardly go in there cause I feel like I'd drown in bacteria and E.coli. 

So I cleaned. 

And I'm not talking wipe-the-mirror and flush-the-toilet clean. 

I mean scrub-the-floor, wipe-every-inch (limited by height), clean-every-item (including the rubber ducks he has in the tub. And yes, he's the older one between us), bleach-the-shyt-out-of-the-tub-and-sinks clean! 

It's so clean now, you can take a dump on the floor and it'll sanitise itself. 

And Janet's thinking

"You sound so homey. Come clean my house"

Damn

So I couldn't sleep last night till about 5 AM.

And this morning at 8 twenty-effin-three AM, my brain decides:

''NO, JYEN! :D Pshh, you don't need sufficient sleep! Let's wake the hell up right NOW! YAYYERSS!''

And right now, I just feel like

and the world feels like it's filled with rainbows and unicorns and maybe even some flying pigs :D

&#@$&#$%^(*&@*#&^%!!!

LIES.

GAWDAMMIT, you're not doing IB no more, stoopid biological clock.

This is ridiculous.

Yeah, that's right, middle finger to you brain. 

Anyway, whuatevuh, silver lining yadida, guess I have a whole day ahead of me to be productive.

Let's see what I come up with.

I'll get back to you at the end of the day.

BUT. First thing's first - breakfast.

Take A Walk

That's exactly what I want to do right now. Take a walk.

Then again, I have better things to do, like revise for HL Math blog.

So a few recent things:

Warning, I'm in the mood for colours.

1. School ended
Crazy. That was fast. I don't quite know how I feel about it. Don't think I'm too attached to Uplands as a school. Going through IB and swimming across the ocean of its requirements haven't been easy (still swimming). I hate to admit it, but gained alot by going through IB. And, meeting the people I've met and going through all the experiences I've had here definitely made it worth it too. Morgan asked me a few days ago, if I had any regrets in these two years of being here. I thought about it and all I could do was mutter a lame reply of ''I don't know.. Maybe I should've studied more..'' cause I'd do it all over again and I wouldn't change a thing. Just gotta work on tying some loose ends now. And close off my CAS account too.

Perhaps a more emotional post will be due after I'm actually done with my IB exams. 

Anyway, to end our last school year, we did a flash mob. I'm still pretty proud with how well everything actually worked out in the end (with the last minute edit of the music + minimal dance practices) and impressed with the amazing people who were willing to participate and learn.
I may have messed up a lil(teehee), but here it is:

2. The elections

I'm not going to pretend like I know a whole lot about politics, because truth be told, I was never the kind who was too bothered. Only a few years ago, I had to have my friend sit me down and explain who Najib is. But I'm slowly crawling out of my political shell. And this time around, I was really hoping for a change.

I'm pretty disappointed that the ruling government retained  their roles.

I don't know enough about politics to really rant about it, but I'm definitely aware about some (not so) undertable issues + bribery that have been going around.  

It's pretty disgusting that they unashamedly bribe with all the free food and cash going around.

But what really gets to me is definitely the overly discussed issue of giving immigrants citizenship.

Now don't get me wrong,  I'd welcome anyone into my homeland with open arms.

But these people aren't deserving of our citizenship, neither by naturalisation or registration.

These are immigrant workers (I hate to call them Bangladeshis cause it makes it sound like I have issues with citizens of that country)

How low and disgusting do you have to be as a government to be willing to sacrifice national pride and security just to retain your (highly undeserving) seats in the government?

It annoys me that my shallow pool of vocabulary would not allow me to truly express how disgusting I think that is.

And it ticks me off to see the happy governing faces,

what satisfaction should there be from ''victory'' if the game wasn't even played fair and square?

I know there isn't a guarantee that the opposition would do much better, but the risk would've been worth it cause we needed(and still do need) a change.

But besides all the verbal bashing, it's great to see the unity erecting (yes, erecting, I refuse to choose another verb) from this elections though.

So maybe, just maybe, there is hope in the near future when my generation gets to vote (:  

Till then, I naively hope the government would (start to) act in the people's interest.

And not spend tax revenues on useless submarines. Worst opportunity cost ever.

3. Ongoing IB exams
4 papers down, 11 more to go ! (I clearly have no comments under this headline)

4. The future

For once, doesn't seem too far away. I'm nervous, intimated and excited.

By the rate time has been passing, I'll have to say goodbye to everything I've learned to know and

 I'll see you soon, New York.

Signing off now, with my current feel good songs.

Sincerely yours with much nerdy love,              

 

'   the stars are bound to change.

wait for another day.

the future's not that far away.

In My Place

''Get off your lazy arse and study!!''

Best thing said and most sense made by Yusof. Amazing. 

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And, I thought about it. And spoke about it. And realised. Middle finger this shyt. Okay, not really. I don't wanna middle finger this or any sort of shit. But. Sigh. I can't attend to every itsy bitsy sensitive emotions and feelings people have. Though really, I wouldn't mind and I actually would, but it'll be great if people could confront me about those emotions. It's a two way street. Stop playing games. If you're mad/hurt/emotionally constipated, tell me la gawdarnit, and not ''drop hints''. 

Aaaaaaaand, just because I'm usually as happy as an ignorant idiot half(most) of the time, doesn't mean I don't have my own troubles too. So maybe it's worth a thought too.

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Random and irrelevant, but a quick shoutout to BertBert (sorry, said I'll try and stop calling you that but. I lied) ! (:

Thanks for checking up on me (and my blog) every once in a while.

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And now, back to panicking and yet not doing anything about exams.

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Think I might rather be this fat monkey right now. He's in Bali and he's got food and other fat happy friends and no exams and no expectations. I want that.

Man on Fire

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Nature study will show you how full of beautiful and wonderful things God has made the world for you to enjoy. Be contented with what you have got and make the best of it. Look on the bright side of things instead of the gloomy one.

But the real way to get happiness is by giving out happiness to other people. Try and leave this world a little better than you found it and when your turn comes to die, you can die happy in feeling that at any rate you have not wasted your time but have done your best. 'Be Prepared' in this way, to live happy and to die happy - stick to your Scout Promise always - even after you have ceased to be a boy - and God help you do it.

Your friend, 

Baden-Powell

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I'm a huge fan of quoted words/song lyrics, clearly shown by the hugely vandalized front cover of my Bio notebook and the inside of my pencil case. But this one, at the top, is probably my all time favourite. BP's last message to his fellow scouts. He's the founder of the Scout movement, not some creepy old guy who wrote letters to boys.

But the real way to get happiness is by giving out happiness to other people. Try and leave this world a little better than you found it and when your turn comes to die, you can die happy in feeling that at any rate you have not wasted your time but have done your best.

Ever since reading it, I try living by that those two lines. Especially the underlined parts. I wouldn't put in the effort to underline it for nothing. Hah, which reminds me, when I was younger (not by much, just a couple of years ago), I was almost convinced that I was going to die young. And every time I'm in a situation where I think I might die (eg. being in a car where the driver's being an idiot with the speed or being in a plane. Yes, I've got a knack for thinking of worst case scenarios), I kinda close my eyes and pray to whoever incharge and listening (let's call this person God) to not take my life away just yet. Cause I don't think I've made the world any better. Well, I wasn't exactly aiming to make the WHOLE world better. But at least someone's world. Or a few someones. Or a dog. A cat. Whatever. Though speaking of animals, this is why I don't kill ants. Cause this stupid kid inside me would like to believe that it's part of making a difference. A small microscopic piece of the ''big picture''. Cause if it was some other person instead of me, the ant's probably dead. Jyen the Ant Saver. Yeah. Not too glamorous huh. But I guess, in some silly way, it serves as a self-reminder that I shouldn't stop doing things that don't matter to other people, if it matters to me. Not sure if that made any sense now written in words..

Think I got slightly side tracked there. Let me steer myself back on track.

And I'm back. Cue long paragraph.

I think recently, over the past couple of months maybe (or longer?), I started to loose track of myself, forgetting those two lines that I've been holding on to. Perhaps maybe even on purpose. I started smoking weed and got slightly addicted to them cigs. It's pretty amusing, how easily accessible weed is in Penang. These things come in small packages too, which makes it easy to hide. Okay, I'm kidding. No weed, no cigs.  I sidetrack alot because I find it difficult to be expressive like this. But anyway. Here's the anti climax to the weed and cigs. I think I've always had the patience to handle my annoyance and frustration. And I don't know what triggered it, but in these few months, I started adapting this ''hands up and off'' attitude. And I have to admit, it felt pretty liberating cause I've never been like that. I kinda dismissed many things and stopped attending to things I've been attending to. Okay maybe I do know what triggered it. Maybe. Maybe because prior to this, I subconsciously felt emotionally responsible for a few people. It's not a bad thing, I guess, cause that's what happens when you build relationships, right? People sort of become emotionally dependent on one another. I'm like that too. But I felt kinda ''emotionally stressed'' cause I had to watch everything I say and do, and also what I DON'T say and do. And that just made me so itchy inside. It was annoying, cause pleasing one person seemed to displease another. Felt so bloody restricting. So I gave up trying. And that seemed to displease everyone. For once, I kept my hands off and I kicked my responsibility aside. Probably the most selfish thing I've ever done (other than the time I refused to share any of my chocolate with my baby cousin brother). But daaaaaaaaamn. It was nice for a while. But I think it caused some sort of chain reaction. So I continued being selfish, almost completely on a I-do-as-I-like basis with minimal effort on anything else. I adapted that with my studies too. Hardly did anything. Horrible timing for both, with the year coming to an end and my exams horrifyingly near.

So I guess. Not handling things is not a good way to handle things.

Think it's high time I collect myself and get my act together again. There must be some sort of compromise. It's gonna take alot of effort though. Here comes a whine. Nyeeeeeeeehhhhhhhhhhhhh.

Jyen the Ant Saver will find her way back. and hopefully learn how to cook on the way. Maybe. Okay I guess the cooking bit wasn't too realistic.

To try to leave this world a little better than I found it.

Right, okay. I've got this.

Run Around Sue

I'm hungry. And home alone. And..
...well I wrote that about an hour ago. Brain constipated with the words I needed. So I gave up and went and cook myself some maggi noodles instead. The feeling of knowing something for certain, but yet hoping for it to be different each time you try.. that's me with my cooking. It's amazing, how I'm always surprised when the food I cook tastes as bad as it does. I can't even handle cooking bloody noodles. If taken literally, bloody noodles would be pretty disgusting. But at least I'm not hungry anymore.

Speaking of disgusting, one other thing that never fail to surprise me is finding drops of pee around the toilet bowl when using the public washroom. I get that some people aren't too good with aiming, as I can relate to that when I try to put balls through fcking hoops, but, come on! The toilet seat hole thing isn't exactly microscopic. And really, all it takes is for you to sit your ass down, or squat, and release. Aiming isn't  even necessary. Unless gravity doesn't work with you and your pee. Then I stand corrected.

Third totally irrelevant thing, it's amazing how back then, music artists were able to sing about what we'd call today: sluts and whores, and make it sound almost respectable. Prime example ; Run around Sue by Dion. I wonder how it was like, living in such an era. People back then were probably much more able to aim when peeing too. Just saying.